BDSM

• Bondage
• Discipline (Discipline)
• Domination & Submission (Domination and Submission)
• Sadism & Masochism

 BDSM is a fairly broad term, but at its core it's about consenting adults expressing their sexuality through bondage, discipline, domination, submission and/or sadomasochism. It may sound harsh, but trust, consideration and mutual respect are the pillars of the BDSM community. BDSM can be both hard and intense or a soft act of love. The different elements of BDSM can be mixed and matched depending on mood, partner and context.

BDSM is often linked to fetishism, for example in the leather scene. Within various sexual subcultures, BDSM plays an important role. It is entirely possible to have a hot BDSM experience while practicing safer sex. Here we look at some aspects of BDSM and how you can make it both safer and hotter.

Tie me up, hold me tight!

Although BDSM can be rough and intense, it's incredibly important that everything is consensual and that all participants are willing. It can be helpful to decide in advance how to signal whether you want to slow down or stop. There are both verbal and non-verbal signals. It is difficult to say "red" as in stop if you have a gag... Then it may be better to let the person hold a bunch of keys and if it is released, it means "stop".

Treat your own body and the bodies of others with respect. Make sure you don't cut off blood circulation or block the airways. Avoid using ropes, chains and cords around your neck. Instead, try a wider, looser collar that can't choke the airways. If you do use a collar or leash, make sure it is not too tight. A good rule of thumb is that you should be able to get at least one finger between your skin and the rope or other equipment.

Whether practicing bondage or any other BDSM play, never leave a bound partner alone. Avoid combining bondage with alcohol and/or drugs as it can affect judgment and pain threshold in a potentially dangerous way. It is also dangerous to fall asleep, pass out or otherwise lose consciousness during sex play.

Safer BDSM - some tips

Although BDSM can be rough and intense, it's incredibly important that everything is consensual and that all participants are willing. It can be helpful to decide in advance how to signal whether you want to slow down or stop. There are both verbal and non-verbal signals. It is difficult to say "red" as in stop if you have a gag... Then it may be better to let the person hold a bunch of keys and if it is released, it means "stop".

Treat your own body and the bodies of others with respect. Make sure you don't cut off blood circulation or block the airways. Avoid using ropes, chains and cords around your neck. Instead, try a wider, looser collar that can't choke the airways. If you do use a collar or leash, make sure it is not too tight. A good rule of thumb is that you should be able to get at least one finger between your skin and the rope or other equipment.

Whether practicing bondage or any other BDSM play, never leave a bound partner alone. Avoid combining bondage with alcohol and/or drugs as it can affect judgment and pain threshold in a potentially dangerous way. It is also dangerous to fall asleep, pass out or otherwise lose consciousness during sex play.

Dominance

Dominance and submission is a power game played out between consenting adults.

You can exercise power or surrender your power through verbal or physical commands, orders, humiliation, punishments and/or other forms of bondage. Role play is a fun way to explore power relationships. Classic scenarios such as cop/criminal, doctor/patient or master/slave are popular. Power play can last for a short time during sex or extend over longer periods.

Resistance can also be part of the game. If the slave disobeys his master, he must of course be punished. Spanking someone until their skin is red and sensitive can be incredibly arousing. If the slave begs for mercy while being punished, it can get even hotter. Remember that you should agree in advance how to signal if someone wants to pause or end the game.

Some always prefer to dominate, while others always want to be submissive. Some are switchers and like to change roles. Some see dominance/submission as part of their everyday life, while others only explore it in the bedroom.

Dominance play in itself does not pose a risk of HIV or other STIs. However, the risk varies depending on how you combine power play with other types of sex. Agree in advance on how to make the game safer - for example, by using condoms or avoiding oral sex. If you are the submissive, remember that safer sex is as much your right as the dominant partner's. You can require the dominant to wear a condom or order your slave to put it on by mouth.

Aftercare 

After intense BDSM play, both body and emotions can be affected. Therefore, aftercare, taking care of each other afterwards, is an important part of the play. This can involve giving each other warmth, security and closeness, for example by holding each other and talking through the experience. Aftercare can also involve affirming each other and sharing what felt good or if something felt hard. In the same way that you plan the game itself, it can be good to talk about what support you want afterwards. Aftercare helps you to settle into your body, build trust and security in each other.

Consent, trust and respect

BDSM is based on consent, trust and respect for each other's boundaries. Role play involving 'coercion' and 'resistance' is often part of BDSM, where the submissive disobeys and is punished. Playing with boundaries can increase sexual pleasure, but it is important to have clear agreements and signals. A safe partner is a good partner, and trust can lead to even hotter play.

BDSM is something to be proud of and should make you feel safe and appreciated. But be aware of your surroundings if you practice BDSM in public - not everyone appreciates exhibitionism.